SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
