she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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