I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
