She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
