somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
