Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
