allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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