I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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