It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
