You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
