I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
