Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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