i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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