I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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