if only i could text you this smell
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
