OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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