Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
