She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
