suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
