Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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