You made me cry and you don't even care
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
this hospital has no fireball
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
