Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
