Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i will never coherently bang her
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
