I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
