I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish you could order shots online.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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