Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
