He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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