I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
