Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
