Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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