I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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