I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
