She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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