We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
