I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
