you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
