U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You are a genius and a whore.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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