I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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