i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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