You just made me feel so damn special
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
