She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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