she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
