i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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