Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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