Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
