I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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