I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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