I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
