My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
