I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
