Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
