Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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