Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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