Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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