Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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