that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
