Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
