Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
