My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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