i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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