Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't deserve a penis
Randomize
