If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
